There is hope in honest error; none in the icy perfections of the mere stylist.
- J. D. Sedding
Yes but enough men that every girl is terrified of smiling to that guy on the bus or talking with the boy in the coffee shop. Every girl has been walking late at night at one point and been afraid of who might be following her. Every girl has referred to someone as a “creep” and every girl has refused a drink from someone she doesn’t know.
Not all men.
But enough men that all women are now afraid of most men.
It’s gotten so bad that we have to be afraid of even telling you we are afraid. We can’t ask that you please stop talking to us. Because if we do we run the risk of being labeled a “stuck up bitch” and blamed for murders and rapes in which we are the victims.
So we speak to you with body language that we hope you’ll understand. We cross our legs and look out the window and wear giant headphones that are giant signs that subtly read “DON’T TALK TO ME!” But you insist on ignoring those signs because you have it in your head that our body language doesn’t mean anything. That our bodies aren’t our bodies.
Not all men.
You can start fucking saying that when all women can stop being afraid. But that’s not gonna happen if every man a women opens up to about this issue dismisses her by saying “Not all men.”
unofficial letter to the skeezball at work all men.
Well think I think they’ve had the right to say “not all men” for a while now considering not all women buy into your senseless fear mongering. Fuck this “every girl” bullshit, I’m not such a weak and paranoid whiner that the mere thought of smiling at someone on a bus or talking to someone in a coffee shop renders me paralyzed with fear. Statistically speaking men have more reason to fear strangers or walking alone at night because they are the vast majority of victims of violence.
You know what this argument sounds like?
I could just as easily say that women shouldn’t be allowed around children because they commit the majority of child murders, and you can’t say “B-but not all women!!” until I feel that all kids are safe. But I won’t because humans can be shit no matter what race or gender.
Kudos to getting 140k+ people to band together with you in the irrational hatred of half the population because of the actions of an absolutely minuscule percentage.
so reblogging this led to a few interesting messages, so I’ll copy, paste, edit, and expand on my reply to one message ( inquiring about labeling fear as irrational ) and just tack in on here.
I think the original post makes more harmful generalizations under the false pretense that it’s adding to a constructive dialogue.
Also, I don’t think people’s fears are necessarily irrational. But the more recent crystallized erasure of experiences under the banner of social justice irks me, and destroys conversations, rather than promotes them.
If an individual says “Hey, I see that this is a reality for some people, but my story is a bit different,” the collective shouldn’t be whittling away at their truth until either nothing is left or they conform. Their story should be incorporated into the narrative. Their story shouldn’t be erased. Someone’s life and constraints being different than another person’s is not a contradiction in and of itself, it’s the nature of the social world.
Granted, the most recent reply is rather cunty and theatrical, but I think the core sentiment is something to take note of instead of dismissing it as “antifeminist.”
I think some ways of talking about these matters lead to better ends than others. To put my specific perspective into the mix - there are interesting intersections being left out. Like how it’s not necessarily considered oppressive for me to be mislabeled as a predator on the basis that I’m a man because of the collective experiences of women but then again if I walk into an elevator a woman clutches her purse because I’m a black male… it then is oppressive? Or if she crosses the street when I see her because black men make her feel especially threatened… she’s problematic? Yes? No? Unless it’s justified that I be suspect of certain local crimes because I’m a black male. I don’t know. I don’t really claim to have the answers - but I’m a fan of honest dialogue on these issues and dialogue itself being a vehicle for progress. The fact that one spends time to critically examine what’s in vogue shouldn’t be seen as a challenge to these people’s lives. If anything, it’s an attempt at further understanding them.
I really wish i could have these talks without people falling into worn groves of chatter that are more record-skipping than actual sharing of ideas and perspectives.(via hotmessdesu)
I understand your argument, but would say that it comes down to power, & as you say, there’re intersections between these.
In this sense, the m&ms example is upside down: the power balance is Western people who hold the majority of power saying “Scary Muslims! Oh noes!” about people with comparatively less power in the exchange, and who die because of the fears and attitudes of those with the power (extrajudicial killings aka drone warfare anyone?).
Which is why it is wrong to make the comparison to ‘Yes All Women’, because men hold the power balance in the majority of exchanges with women (parking intersections for the moment), and pervasive pejorative attitudes towards women do kill women. When the knee-jerk response to women saying “this is what happens, this is how pervasive it is, men we need you on side here because otherwise you’re basically onside with those jerks” is “Not All Men!” that invalidates, is designed to invalidate (even if not everyone who says it intends it, that is where is begins and ends) the experience of women far more than the riposte “Yes All Women” invalidates the experience of men.
It is absolutely important that we have a dialogue, and that we attend to intersections (race, gender, sexuality, religion, socio-economics) as part of that dialogue. Which is why we kick-back every time we hear “Not All Men” because that phrase and it’s kin are usually code for “shut up, you’re making me uncomfortable, I don’t want to know.”
Pro-tip: we know that not all men are like that. Guys, when women speak directly to you about this subject, you can assume that they are because they know or assume that your not ‘like that’. The men I’ve worked with, been friends with, my brother, my cousins, I think well of you and I want you to understand what I and other women experience, so I talk to you. You think I’d bother if I thought you were a misogynistic jerk? What would be the point?
In one study, participants were asked to rank the humor in various cartoon captions. Half of the captions had been written by men, and half by women. When not told who wrote what, the participants judged them almost equally funny. In fact, based on the scores given in this experiment, men are just 2.2 percent more likely to be funny than women. Yet 90 percent of the participants agreed with the stereotype that men are funnier. Talk about a mind-bogglingly huge difference in perception versus reality.
And it gets weirder — when the participants were asked which gender they thought wrote a caption, the funnier ones were almost always assumed to be by men and the less funny ones by women. This might be expected, considering their stated bias. Even when told the name and gender of the person who wrote each caption, within a short time the participants started misattributing the funny ones to men. In other words, even when they knew that women had written some of the funniest captions, the bias that men are funnier was so ingrained that it made them misremember who had written what."
The main problem I have with Men’s Rights Activists is that their name really doesn’t do them justice. They’re Straight Cis White Men’s Rights Activists. I have NEVER seen Men’s Rights Activists campaign for the inclusion of trans* men in their spaces.
I have NEVER seen Men’s Rights Activists campaign to end the social stigma around black fatherhood. I have NEVER seen Men’s Rights Activists campaign for better pay and equal career mobility for men of colour. I have NEVER seen Men’s Rights Activists actively campaign for more gay men’s rights. I have NEVER seen Men’s Rights Activists advise others in their group on how using faggot to emasculate men who aren’t part of their cause is alienating and marginalising other MEN.
I have NEVER seen Men’s Rights Activists campaign, raise awareness of, or support victims of male rape unless it’s in order to derail a discussion around female victims of rape. I have NEVER seen Men’s Rights Activists campaign, raise awareness of, or support male victims of domestic abuse unless it’s in order to derail a discussion around female victims of domestic abuse.Men’s Rights Activists are hypocrites and frauds.
They’re bitter privileged white men who don’t want to campaign for the rights of men - they want to campaign to keep their privilege unchecked and their ability to discriminate against others.If you want to be a real Men’s Rights Activist - be a fucking Feminist. Peace out."